Oct 21, 2013

FAT AND MISERABLE PART I

Assalamualaikum.

[JIWANG ALERT!]

Life has been fine. Thank you for not asking. Hewhew.

Well you know, if nothing happens, I won't be this rajin to do this hardcore typing and perah otak buat karangan di sini.

So yeah. Something happened. Well, to be honest, a lot had happened.

Cuma ada yang aku rasa tak menjadi kudis dalam hidup, baik ignore saja. Buat apa complicate hidup fikir benda tak membawak kebaikan dalam hidup aku. Life is too short to be held back by problems.

Kalau boleh, everyday nak move on tanpa ada benda yang di-KIV-kan dulu. Free from benda tertangguh. Free from masalah yang belum settle. Free from worries. Free from mind-boggling thoughts. How awesome life would be then.

Firstly, I am no longer with the person I used to know almost 10 years ago. I always thought he's the one. Imagining marrying that person, having kids around and owning a beautiful place to live in somewhere nice couldn't be easier. It's like we're meant to be together and those imaginations are really going to come true soon.

Ku sangkakan panas sampai ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengah hari gitcheww.

I could guarantee you nothing is permanent in life. People, things and so does feelings, they could fade away and vanish somehow.

Coz something that is not nurtured will surely wilt and die, macam pokok. Tanam benih, kalau tak siram and tak letak baja, takdo do nak tumbuh pokok tu. And so is love. If you tell someone you love them, nurture it by showing them how much you love them. Bukan cakap je, lepas tu lantak kau lah apa nak jadi. Nampak tak drastik bebenor storyline ni? Hmm. Tengah serius ni.


*tukar scene*


I think what happened between us, is something I foresee it long before it did finally happen. I know you are going to be who you are now. I know I am going to feel this way too. I just know. Coz I know myself. And I stop accepting who you became now.

A different person.

I can embrace flaws, but not a totally different person.

As if I gave a piece of my heart to someone I love and that person is long gone. Then someone else took ever the role. I kept my silence since I thought it could be the same if I just taught myself to just adapt with it. But I can't lie to myself. I just can't. Coz it's obviously different. And that feeling I felt for that person I love, is gone too.

And I think you felt the same way. You gave too much space for everything else in your life. And if there is a vacancy left, I don't even think I would make it into the list to occupy it. Tak layak untuk apply pon. Maklum la kita ni 'akak lab' je. Takkan pernah layak untuk orang 'setinggi' itu. Takkan.

Honestly, kali terakhir kita confront  about the situation is just me, finding reasons to stop it. I don't hate you. I just don't know how to tell you what it is all about. Coz you will never agree. And you have never agreed on anything when it comes to me. I am not you. I don't live a life like you. I don't see things like you do. I don't have the ability to be optimistic over everything like you do. And you are not me, in case if you forget.

Sorry for being silly the last time we talked. I'm trying to annoy you. But I think I just made you laugh over the stupid conversation kot. Because I am not mad. I'm just too lazy to give you a good solid reason for the break up. We often debate over things and I always lose anyway. So why bother explaining.

And I really hope you hate me.


*tukar scene balik*


Sebab kalau diberi pilihan sama ada aku nak dilupakan macam tu saja atau dibenci, aku sanggup dibenci. At least it's a proof that I do exist. Rather than just being silently forgotten by someone.

Dalam kes ni, aku rasa aku dibenci, dan dilupakan. It's good, I guess.

...to be continued...